Sometimes, the hardest choices are the ones we have to make.
I auditioned for a show at a wonderful community theatre. I’ve been doing shows there for a long time, and have never had a lead role. After I auditioned there most recently, another audition popped up and I decided to go to that. Long story short, I was cast in the production with the community theatre, and I was in ensemble. I wasn’t expecting to get a lead, but to be honest I’m just tired of being an extra all the time.
I sent an email to the directors letting them know I could not be in the show because I had other opportunities (the other audition, and even another one!), and I got a reply I wasn’t expecting. Of course I didn’t expect them to be thrilled- I just told them I wasn’t taking the role they offered me. But the reply I got was a lot colder than I had anticipated it would be. Shouldn’t they be at least a little kinder, considering I’ve grown up with them as my mentors? This just showed me what I had imagined was true- they didn’t really care about me as much as they did many of the other girls there. I can name over a handful of girls that, had they sent the same email I did, would have gotten a kinder response. Still harsh, but not the same as mine.
I know I am not amazingly talented, but I know I have some potential that I wasn’t reaching. I don’t regret my decision to drop from the community theatre’s production. Though this may be a tie broken, I know it will just push me to find new opportunities. I wasn’t being given a chance at that theatre. I was being put on the back burner. Other places appreciate my skills and drive to do better, so now I’ll continue to do better for them.
I will never forget the wonderful memories I made with that theatre company. Not to say I won’t ever to a show there again, but I highly doubt they’ll cast me in the near future. Next time when I show up, I want to come with multiple lead roles under my belt. If I do, they can’t ignore me. They’ll have to consider me and they can’t just pretend like I’m still the same girl.
I once heard that when you don’t know what to write about, write about something that makes you angry. So that’s exactly what I’m doing. I have so much more to learn, and I’m ready to find out all those things. Sadly, they will have to be somewhere new. But with each new place comes a new chance, a new experience, a place I can shine and get better. To anyone reading this who knows the place or show I’m talking about, hello, my name is Nina. You may think you know me, but you don’t. You know the old Nina, the one who would settle for second, third, fourth place. Not anymore. “I’ve got a hunger burning inside me, cannot be denied.” I want to be as great as possible, and if that means saying goodbye or I’m sorry to places and people that have taught me so much, then I guess goodbye and I’m sorry.
Though I am so excited to see where this new road takes me, I will never forget all I learned from my first home theatre.