Love · Poetry

you were different

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why do I always fall
for the tall blonde boy with freckles or glasses
crooked teeth and flailing arms

usually, they fall for me too
you think that would be a good thing, but sadly it isn’t
because that’s when I get scared
that’s when I decide I actually don’t like him, no, I just like the idea of him

but you were different
not in your looks I mean; you were still tall and blonde
still had that funny smile that made me laugh

no, you were different because when you fell for me, I wasn’t scared
I was happy, so happy that you would give me a chance
at least, I thought you fell for me
now, over a week since we last talked
I’ve realized that you don’t like me the way I like you

my smile doesn’t make your stomach turn, my laugh isn’t music to your ears
my hands aren’t the prettiest thing you’ve ever seen, my eyes not bright enough I guess

yesterday I lost a friend
and you were there to witness some of the aftermath, a bit of my tears
yet you didn’t say a single word
only offered me a bright smile right before you left

damn that smile, that smile that makes my heart stop
that smile that automatically makes me smile back, no matter how small

damn you for not telling me why we haven’t talked in a week
for letting me wonder what I did wrong
for letting me wonder why I’m not good enough

damn your witty comebacks and gentle compliments
your love for jazz
your school spirit
your drive to always get better

you were different
no, not in your looks
you were different in your ability to make me feel strong

but now all I feel is weak.

//

 

I’m pretty sure all my poems for a while will be about this boy. They’ll also be sloppy and quick and sad because those are all words I could use to describe how I feel right now. I wish I could show him these, but I know I never would. So instead, you get them. Lots of love as always.

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